Gossip

Go-faster WiFi - with one short spray!

Just how cynical are today's consumers? Which of us would suspect a purveyor of technology of not just exaggerating, but actually fabricating features of a product for sale? And yet, such a charge has apparently been levied against the purveyors of the WiFi Speed Spray.

This revolutionary product is guaranteed to enhance the transfer of computer data through the air.

The theory is not widely known, but it is not hard to understand. Ionised atmospheres conduct electronic fields better than insulating ones; electro-magnetic fields include the electronic field as a matter of default. The WiFi Spray, injected into the atmosphere around a transmitter or receiver, enhances the electromagnetic effect for a period.

The inventors have discovered that urban atmospheres are not necessarily ideal for electromagnetic propagation: "Do you live in a polluted environment such as Los Angeles? If so, you've probably experienced the heartbreak of data transfer slow-down," observes the publicity information irrefutably.

Besides air pollution, radio waves slow down in noisy environments, at night, and in "high emission" areas such as computer rooms, offices that use fluorescent lighting, and even in the kitchen (those pesky microwave ovens are to blame!).

WiFi Speed Spray is designed to eliminate these harsh conditions selectively. Only the radio wave path is affected.

"WiFi Speed Spray can overcome the effects of pollution, increase fidelity, and provide you with the fastest wireless data transfer possible." It is reported to be approved by the FCC, and 802.11b compliant, while also being compatible with Windows and most versions of Linux.

On the original vendor web site are full details.

You may examine the mathematical illustration (below) for reassurance.

For legal reasons only, understandable in a litigious culture such as Los Angeles (where it is illegal to use the words "master" and "slave" to describe the disk controller on a motherboard) the makers have seen fit to include a few "disclaimers" for the WiFi Speed Spray.

Taken seriously, they would appear to imply that the contents of the spray are highly hazardous - which would be a good trick for a compound of hydrogenated oxidisation agent with one or two minor trace minerals. We can be sure that the references to "pregnant women*" are inserted purely to abide by the legal whims of California's legislature.

* Disclaimers

WiFi Speed Sprayâ„¢ is safe and effective when used as directed. However, the product is known to the State of California to cause cancer; developmental toxicity; and/or male pattern baldness. For outdoor use only. Do not use near electrical appliances. WiFi Speed Sprayâ„¢ should not be used in the presence of pregnant women, women who have been pregnant, or women who may some day become pregnant. Keep away from children and household pets (especially birds). Do not take internally. If a persistent cough or partial paralysis develops, consult a physician,