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Shortage of bottoms as Cold Fusion excludes women, gays, adults

The next Cold Fusion developer conf in Croydon, just South of London, will be attended by 99.9% heterosexual males. That's official from the organiser. By coincidence, bookings show the 300-seat conf is apparently 200 bottoms short.

Could the problem be embarrassment? Some have pointed out that some potential delegates might be nervous about the evening entertainment. The entertainment is aimed squarely at "lads."  

"After conference party in the evening with music, tequila slammer girls (providing free tequila shots), private bar. Gives you a chance to socialise with the speakers and sponsors, talk about the conference, make new contacts, and chat up the tequila girls," says the web blurb.

 One developer (married, straight) wrote to Michaels to suggest that some people (grownups?) might find the evening entertainment not entirely to their taste.

He was not alone; a woman developer also dropped Michaels a note, which pointed out that not all Cold Fusion developers would necessarily find an opportunity to "chat up tequila girls" of value. From Russ's response, it would seem he has not yet heard of "women":  

"There would be little point in my running a homosexual developer conference and only have half a dozen people turn up now would there. I cannot help you with common sense, if you don't get [sic] then you don't get it."

 The developer - being a member of the 30-odd per cent of the programming population who happen to be female - tried to explain what the title "Mrs" on her note meant, and that as a middle-aged woman, she had no interest in chatting up Slammer Girls.

All to no avail.  

"Bashing people for being straight really is the pot calling the kettle black," wurbled Michaels. "I have absolutely no problem with homsexual [sic] men or women, but it appears you seem to have have [sic] a problem with us straight people."

 The other developer (male, straight) tried to explain that even male programmers might not necessarily be "licensed to shag" during the evening, and that Michaels might have misjudged the demographic. He himself found such things sexist, he explained.

In vain... it seems sexism, like being female (and like a spelling checker?) is mythical - or at least, something outside Michaels's experience. Therefore, it doesn't exist. Ergo: if you don't want to grope a Tequila Slammer Girl, there's a simple and unavoidable explanation: you're queer:

"If it was a tequila slammer guy," retorted Michaels, "I'm sure you wouldn't mind, but that would be of no interest to other [sic] 99.9% of delegates."

So that's it. Many surveys have suggested, regularly, that mature business buyers are actually deterred from promotions - exhibition booths, events and advertising  - which assumes a 20-year-old male as the stereotype customer. These surveys are all nonsense, in the minds of the CF devcon organiser. Women don't exist; adult males are all sexually rampant and alcohol-fuelled. Muslims only pretend to be uninterested in getting drunk, and Real Programmers are either adolescent, or wish they were.

So, if you don't want to get pissed and make a prat of yourself leering at the chest of a rent-a-boobs gurly, there's only one explanation: you're a horrid poof.

Such people don't develop Cold Fusion code. Go away.