News

"I had my iPhone surgically implanted in my cheeks..."

by Bill Ray | posted on 13 August 2007

It may sound obviously absurd. But claims that Thomas Martel, 28, of Bonnie Brae had his over-sized thumbs "whittled" to make using his iPhone easier, have turned out to be a marvellous hoax perpetrated by the North Denver News - a hoax that fooled many online news sources.

"Sure, the procedure was expensive, but when I think of all the time I save by being able to use modern handhelds so much faster, I really think the surgery will pay for itself in ten to fifteen years. And what it's saving me in frustration - that's priceless."

Despite the story being littered with clues - references to muscle alterations in the thumb, despite there being no muscles in the tip, and the fact that such surgery would take longer than the iPhone has been around - it hasn't stopped speculation on the motives and stupidity of the fictional Mr Martel, and widespread reporting of the story.

Editor Guerin Lee Green was moved to reprimand his readers for needing to have the satire explained:

Among the points of the piece: that U.S. society accepts plastic surgery and decorative deformation of the human body for vanity, but not other reasons (consider the Bonds steroid stories); that technology has become a new cult phenomena, in which items are praised or ridiculed based upon tribal allegiances instead of functionality and performance (and we are members of the Cult of the Mac- iPhone division); and we like to pretend that some of our writers have a sense of humor.

It's true that the QWERTY keyboard is an abomination which should have gone the way of the washboard decades ago - but for the conservative nature of computer users it would have done, and to see it reproduced in miniature on a touch-screen when so many better alternatives exist, beggars belief - but as far as we are aware no human has yet modified themselves to be able to use one.

We'll let you know if we hear of such a thing, but for the moment thumbs up to the North Denver News for such a believable fantasy. We wish we'd thought of it first.